These past couple weeks, I had an opportunity to think a lot about different things. One of the things that kept coming up was in response to a sermon on Matthew 9.

"When he saw the crowds, he had compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. Then he said to his disciples, 'The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few; therefore pray earnestly to the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into his harvest.' And he called to him his twelve disciples and gave them authority over unclean spirits, to cast them out, and to heal every disease and every affliction."

I kept thinking about the first bit... how Jesus had compassion for the crowds because He saw them as harassed and helpless.

I got to thinking exactly why I decided to do a FT year with CTI. As I was listening to this sermon and as I kept reflecting on that bit of the passage, it was then that I remembered why I wanted to do FT specifically.

I thought about who I saw as harassed and helpless. I thought back to the outreach trips to Tampa I took. There were so many times when I was there where it just didn't sit right with me. It wasn't that I was in a dangerous part of the country. It wasn't the time where some guy pulled a knife out on me. I remember thinking, "This place is only an hour and a half from home. There are families here who are torn apart by addictions to drugs, greed, lust, alcohol abuse. The neglect of the state when it comes to the education of the students who live there. Why is it that the people here know there's something more but have lost hope in something better? How is there such brokenness this close to the town I live in?" I then brought it back some, thinking of everything going on around in my life. Seeing the brokenness in my family. The bitterness of family drama plaguing my dad, weighing heavily on his heart, so much to the point where he couldn't eat or sleep and had to occupy himself with doing something. Literally working himself to death.

I remember looking at the CTI website and looking at the difference between the two programs they offer... and I recall seeing that if I were to join a full time team, we'd have the chance to go around the US. And I remember all of those faces and emotions just came flooding in. I remember being so bothered by the fact that there's so much brokenness right here in our country.

There's a song that the new wave of FTers for CTI are doing. It's by Luminate, titled Shine (Love is an Action).



I want to strike a match
Let it burn ‘til the world’s on fire
I want to see a chain reaction
And see the flames burn higher
I want to see Your Word alive I want to see the orphans laughing
Want to see the sinners cry Surrounded by the hands of mercy
The hands of mercy, so

Shine, love is an action
Shine, oh, it starts with a passion
‘Cause we want to be a heart that’s pure
So all will see that we are Yours
Shine

And though it starts with one
There will be a million candles
There will be millions more
Singing with the tongues of angels
The light of Heaven falling down Spreading love to the darkest places
I want to strike a match And watch it bring salvation
I’m gonna lift my light up high

(Love is an action)
I’m gonna let my love burn bright
(It starts with a passion)

I’m gonna lift my light up high
(So all will see that we are Yours)

I’m gonna let my love burn bright
(Let it burn, let it burn)

I want to strike a match
Let it burn, Let it burn
I’ll let it burn

I remember wanting to go out and minister to those who I thought were harassed and helpless. And the Lord provided those opportunities to do that through CTI.

Who in your life do you see as harassed and helpless? Do you want to see the word alive? Let's be the hands of mercy to these people.

What does that look like in your life? Maybe bearing with the awkwardness as you sit with the lonely person during lunch. Or just listening to what people are going through and speaking truth into their life. Maybe that means giving to missionaries so their work can be done.

In all things, pray earnestly to the Lord. Be filled by the Lord.

Hope y'all are doing great!

A few weeks ago, I came across a band called Gungor. They had a pretty interesting concept for leading worship. In any case, I heard this song, kinda forgot about it because I didn't buy the album. But then I heard this song again last night at my school's back to school worship event.



Gungor- Beautiful Things.

All this pain
I wonder if I’ll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

You make me new, You are making me new
You make me new, You are making me new

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

Honestly, I've felt crappy these last few days. Thinking back to some of the things, some of the ways where things went wrong in the past, things recent, all really piled on top and made me feel super awful inside. These things, feelings of inadequacy, failure, all of that, crept in again. Thank the Lord that HE restores. That HE makes all things beautiful.

And it's a struggle to understand this at times. But I think that fixating on the fact that maybe my failures are just too much is in actuality indicative of a heart that doesn't fully believe in the saving power of Jesus. Maybe. I need to just get over my self-righteousness.

Blah.

When I shared with a friend of mine that I had a lot of distractions, all of these things on my mind, they told me to let it go. "What other choice do you have..."

Thank YOU Jesus. That you saw me. That you saw US. Our sins. Our struggles. And yet loved so much to give it all. Help us to remember that YOU are all that is needed.

it's been a month?

hello all who read this blog.

So a month has already passed by since my last official day with CTI Music Ministries as a Full-time team member. Since then, the Lord's been revealing Himself to me in many ways. Even in the times of struggle and hardship, it's unmistakable that He is moving.

This past week, I had an opportunity to attend the Harvest retreat, put on by Servant's Ministry in Virginia. LOTS of crazy stuff happened during times of sharing, prayer, preaching of the word, and worship. I think the Lord's shown me a lot, not necessarily in a crazy, miraculous way like some of the students experienced, but in very odd, subtle ways.

One of the things that the Lord revealed was through the Washington Monument in D.C. There's a lot to say about this monument... but this kinda caught my eye. "Upon completion (officially opened in 1888), it became the world's tallest structure. The monument held this designation until 1889, when the Eiffel Tower was completed in Paris, France"


So this monument was the standard of excellence for about a year. It's not even that great... the original proposed plot of land wasn't good enough and so they ended up putting it where it is, they ran out of money to build it and then couldn't get marble from the same quarry so the color is a little off. They also spent tons of money for an aluminum tip for it. But then the price for aluminum had plummeted two years later because a new way to process it was discovered. And this was before the monument was officially opened to the public.

So, imagine my surprise when the group of 7 other guys I was with would do everything to go see this monument. Here are some of the events that had occurred previously in the day and the day before:

• a few of us were sick with some cold or stomach flu.
• we had JUST finished a retreat, where we averaged about 4-5 hours of sleep a night.
• this was after a 16 hour drive from Florida to Virginia.
  
• we were dehydrated
• we ate to our heart's delight (and our stomach) the night before at a Korean meat buffet. imagine how college students take advantage of buffets. and how lack of bathrooms might make things. um. unpleasant.
  
• we had walked all around DC, non-stop, hitting up every monument and museum we could come across, from lunchtime around dinnertime.
  

So with all of that having happened, imagine what was running through my head when I heard stuff like:

• "I know we're tired and don't wanna walk more. but I'm willing to pay for bus fare. and I'll pay for you if you don't have cash"
• "Even though we're in DC and there's all this new, delicious food around, I'd rather eat somewhere really cheap and fast like McDonald's so we can go see it(the monuments) and leave on time for Orlando"

We eventually decided on walking from the restaurant we ate dinner to the Washington Monument, and then walking to the Lincoln Memorial as well. more walking.

So when we got to the memorial... this discolored, marble obelisk, shining high above the skyline of our nation's capitol, a feat of engineering that was at one point in time, great, now obsolete... imagine my surprise at the expressions of sheer joy on these guy's faces. "We're here! OMG! I can't believe we made it. Quick! Let's take pictures so we can remember this moment for years to come"

And as we took these pictures that are on this blog post (picture credits to Albert Kang), laughed, had a good time, took a minute to look back at the obscene amounts of miles we walked to get where we were, wipe the sweat from our brows, one question kept ringing in my head.

This sort of desire to see something. To experience something. To touch, taste, smell, etc. I see this all the time. Look around. People pay thousands of dollars to experience things as trivial as the best jello ever. People will work themselves to the bone to get that shiny new car. Or house. But why not when it comes to seeking the presence of the Lord?

There's another thing like the Washington Monument. An old Roman torture device, a couple pieces of blood-stained lumber.

When Christ died, the world viewed this as a huge utter failure. But that's not where the story ends, right? Christ defeated death and rose from the grave. The answer to life's problems... all out of an act of love for us.

I thought to myself, "When was the last time we approached the foot of the cross this way? And why does the mercy and grace of Jesus NOT MOVE people to loving action each and every day? Why is it that the only time we strive to see Christ is at spiritual functions like church services. or retreats. or small group meetings?"

"For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. " (1 Cor 1:18)

Friends, I want to encourage us to continue to go before the foot of the cross. Let's PURSUE after Christ, our first love, much like we are inclined to pursue after other things. And let's not stop there. Let's not forsake our first love for the things of this world. But let's seek after Him first.